Seeking Sanctuary
by Zandra's Ashes
Summary: Post Common Ground. John returns from the mission to find that Elizabeth has fled to Proculus, unable to face him in the aftermath. He can't stop himself from going after her. Chapter 3 may need to go to a M rating, let me know if it's necessary, Thanks!
1. Chapter 1

"Where's Elizabeth?" John's eyes were darting around, unable to believe she wasn't there somewhere, especially after what he'd just returned from. He had refused to lie on the bed and now sat perched on its side. His legs were swinging restlessly as he anxiously waited to get out there. "Doc, I'm fine. According to McKay, I look even younger than before Koyla turned his pet Wraith loose on me."

"Just a minute, we're almost done. If you could perhaps sit still-"Beckett was shaking his head as John leaned far out to the side to peer behind him and his teammates.

"Where is she? What's going on?" John turned his eyes slowly focusing briefly on each of his team mates before moving on to the next.

"Damn it! Just tell me!" This was not exactly the homecoming John had expected. He had the sinking feeling that his short lived surge of adrenaline was about to crash hard.

Teyla approached him slowly extending her arm out to briefly touch his arm as if to calm him. "She has not been injured John, we do not mean to worry you. But she is…offworld right now."

"What…do you mean…offworld?" John hissed.

"John we realize you are uncomfortable with her going offworld-" Teyla started.

"I told her you would kill us, but she wouldn't listen. She contacted Chaya herself, said she was overdue time off. I'd like to take some time off." McKay bristled.

"We're not that lucky. Rodney, you wouldn't leave Atlantis for a minute, you'd be bored out of your mind." Carson muttered under his breath.

"Chaya? She's gone to Proculus? You're joking." John said, rubbing his hands through his hair.

"Yes, well many of the staff members who have gone on leave there have reported on its restorative nature. It is quite beautiful; I'd imagine the rest would do Dr. Weir good." Teyla said raising her eyebrow in warning at McKay and Ronan.

This did not go unnoticed by John. "Why now?" He asked quietly. When they failed to meet his eyes he cast his gaze downward. "She's upset…because of what I made her do."

Carson cleared his throat breaking the silence that had fallen over the room. "All right son, you don't seem to be having any reaction to the enzymes, let me know if you develop any symptoms. But when Ford…well, Ford's symptoms presented immediately. I think you are in the clear."

John jumped to his feet and began trotting out of the infirmary.

"And where does he think he's going?" He heard McKay's voice whining behind him.

Only Teyla dared to follow, jogging behind him to keep up. "John, Major Lorne should be back any minute. He stayed a bit while she settled in, I'm sure he'd be glad to take you over. We'll make sure to contact you if anything comes up. I think a break would do you both good."

"I realize it wasn't easy for any of you to watch, but it was my call Teyla. I told her not to give in to their demands." John stopped for a moment deep in thought.

"It _wasn't_ easy John. How would you have felt in her position?" Teyla's eyebrow was arching again.

She knew, John realized, knew he felt more for Elizabeth than he should. He would have given in, he couldn't have watched them do that to her. He had no idea where Elizabeth had found the strength.

"Teyla, you're in charge while we're gone." He said.

"I'm sure Lorne and McKay-"Teyla started to protest, knowing the men would disagree with John's decision.

"Teyla, you're in charge. I'll tell Lorne, he'll take care of Rodney." John's feet were moving again.

"John?" Teyla called as he broke into a run. "Shouldn't you pack?" The hallway was already empty.


	2. Chapter 2

John stood in the edge of the tree line. It _was_ beautiful here; he would have loved to have been with Elizabeth as she approached the village to see her delight in its beauty. The lake glistened before him, the sunlight dancing upon the tranquil waters beckoning him to come closer. But he was frozen. He looked to the white tipped mountains that edged the far side of the lake, for a moment he was torn between the sudden urge to snow ski or to just jump in the water. But his eyes came to rest on her and he again, found himself frozen.

"She's been sitting there for hours. I don't think she's moved an inch." Chaya's voice danced upon his ears.

He turned to see Chaya moving beside him, her eyes pointed towards Elizabeth's figure on the shoreline. "Chaya." He nodded in hello.

"You travel lightly John; I hope you're not planning to rush off. It would be good if you could stay," She turned her head towards him then. "It would be good for her."

John bit his lower lip as he struggled with the decision. He'd been so sure coming here was the right thing, but seeing her now…he wondered if he would be intruding, maybe he was being selfish to impose himself on her time. Elizabeth was seated on the edge of the land. Her blue jeans were rolled up to the knees and her feet were dangling aimlessly in the blue waters. Her hair hung in loose curls about the shoulders of her white t-shirt. She looked like a teenager, leaning back on her hands letting the rays of the sun soak into body, she looked so carefree.

John knew he'd been wrong to come, he'd only remind her of the reason she'd fled in the first place. He'd taken a step backwards when he noticed her shoulders were shaking. One of her hands rose and began wiping the sides of her face.

"That's her cabin" Chaya pointed towards a cabin that was just steps away from the lakefront. "I'll send one of the villagers with spare clothing for you. "

John began walking forward and turned his head back to Chaya's retreating figure. "Chaya? Thank you."

She nodded in return and continued on her way back towards the town.

Elizabeth didn't appear to hear John approaching. His heart pounded as he neared her, she looked so pale, so fragile, so different from the image she'd projected when dealing with Koyla. He'd done this to her, he thought. This was his fault. As he closed in, he could see her shirt was soaked with her tears, her eyes were pressed shut. Her shoulders began to tremble with less force. She knew he was there, he realized, she didn't want him to see her this way. He bit his lip again and tried to force the back the waves of black anger, damn Koyla for taking his revenge in such a way! It was one thing to hurt him, but to take the sick pleasure in hurting her while he did it, if but for that reason alone he_ would_ kill him.

John knelt beside her and she turned her head away, still fighting to still the shaking of her shoulders. He tentatively reached out his hand gently resting it on her shoulder. Her hands began flailing against him.

"No! I don't want your pity; I don't deserve…your concern." Her eyes finally opened and she began pushing him away. "No." She gasped painfully.

He grabbed her wrists in one of his hands and cusped her chin with the other, ensuring her eyes were unable to escape his own. He tried to speak, find something appropriate to tell her…there were so many things he needed to tell her. Things they should have talked about a long time ago. But he waited too long; she escaped by shutting her eyes once again, though she couldn't stop the tears from slipping out as she did so. He felt the fight slipping from her body and he swiftly scooped her up into his arms. As he stood, her head tucked into her neck and he felt her body begin to quake again.

He carried her the short distance to the cabin and tried to lay her upon the bed. She wouldn't relinquish her hold; if anything she began almost crawling in seeming desperation to move her body closer, her nails digging into his neck. He instead eased them both slowly down to the bed. She stilled for a moment as the underside of her arm brushed the tips of the marks left by the Wraith feeding emerging just above his shirt. Her arm recoiled as if she'd been burned and she began sobbing in earnest.

"I'm okay Elizabeth." He choked out. Emotions were boiling in his chest like never before; it was killing him to see her pain. He stroked her hair, trying to figure out how to reassure her, comfort her. He'd never been good at that kind of thing. It was a painful reminder to him now that he was not entirely worthy of the anguish he'd caused her, not worthy of any feeling she held inside that caused her this heartbreaking agony at the thought of his own pain. "Elizabeth, I need you to be okay. I don't want to be… I can't exist in a world where you're not. "

He felt her rustling, pulling her way out of his neck and up his body. She raised her eyes to meet his, seeking answers there to fill in the blanks on everything he could never find the words to say. Her eyes locked onto his, leaving him breathless with the intensity of their demands. He allowed her gaze penetrate deeper and longer than he'd ever dared before.

"John?" Elizabeth's soft voice conveyed her surprise.

His heart constricted suddenly and now it was his turn to shut his eyes. He'd shown her too much. He'd shown her things she obviously hadn't wanted to see.

But then he felt her breath ghosting over his lips. Tentatively they began grazing his own. He pressed forward, his lips parting eagerly to her demand, her warmth seeping down into the depths of his core as the nerves in his body jumped to life humming with pleasure. He felt her fingertips brush the tip of the barely noticeable Wraith wound and she tore her lips away suddenly dragging him to a sitting position along with her. His skin instantly chilled the loss of her lips against his own. As her warm hands grazed his arms as she moved, goose bumps immediately broke out across his arms. He was blinking, somewhat startled at her abrupt movements. She had been acting anything but herself today; she was in her own kind of shock he supposed. He guardedly waited to see what was coming next.

She began frantically tugging his shirt from his pants and in all the ways he'd imagined her doing this, he knew the reason for her actions was much different than any of his fantasies. She was still immersed in the nightmare. He reached down and pulled the shirt up and over his shoulders before she tugged it over his head flinging it carelessly to the side. She lowered herself to where she was eye level with the feeding marks. Her fingertips began to gently trace along.

"Does it hurt?" Alarm rang through her voice as her fingers stilled.

"No, he almost healed it when he…did whatever he did to reverse everything." John's voice emerged in a whisper.

He could feel the pounding of his heart in his ears as her fingertips continued in their quest. He wondered if he should stop her, he wanted her to forget the whole ordeal; he didn't want her to linger in the painful memory. But then her hand grazed over his chest and settled upon his heart.

"You're okay." She breathed.

She nestled back against him as he gingerly eased them back to a lying position, unable to think of anything he could really do. He could be there for her, _that_ was easy enough. Heat began to course though him again and he realized this would be harder than he'd thought with her face resting against his bare chest, as though listening to his heartbeat.

"_We're_ okay." John said as he wrapped his arms around her tightly. "We're okay." He said again, still feeling the need to convince her. One of her hands moved back to the feed wound and continued to trace the outline. "Elizabeth?"

"Tomorrow John. Now, I just want to hear you breathe, just need to hear your heart beating. We've talked enough today."

John fought the curious desire to laugh boiling through his chest. They'd hardly spoken enough to fill a short email message. But then, they'd never needed to say very much at all. The thought sobered him immediately. The truth was, they'd ignored a lot for far too long. Everything each of them thought and felt, it was always there when they looked in each other's eyes. That fragile pretense had been shattered here tonight.

He laid there listening to Elizabeth's breathing as it slowed. The bed had been placed against a wall that allowed them full view of the lake through the large windows. Moonlight was beginning to lazily dance upon the still waters granting them a glorious view as they both gave in to the fatigue borne from the previous day's events.

John was painfully aware of Elizabeth's sleepy hands still haphazardly exploring his bare chest. He could smell the tantalizing fragrance of her shampoo drifting up as his hand gently massaged the base of her neck. He felt the corners of his lips lifting ever so slightly. Tomorrow was shaping up to be a very promising day.

As she fell into sleep, her legs shifted across his lower body in a not entirely unpleasant way. Unpleasant if she weren't almost asleep anyway. He bit down on his lip, suppressing a low moan, wide awake once again. When he couldn't call up any more football statistics to keep him distracted he looked out to the lake. He wondered if Chaya would let him try using a puddle jumper on her lake. It'd be great to water ski again. Or skinny dip he thought fighting back a groan once again. He had no hope of sleeping, but as her breath continued to fall hot against his neck he admitted that he really didn't mind. He tightened his grip on Elizabeth and began to figure out how to make some water skis. Or a wakeboard….

A/N: At least one more chapter on the way, Elizabeth's POV coming next. Oh, how I try to quell my angsty ways….oh how I fail. Gloriously, so I hope. Hope you enjoyed, subscribe if you'd like alerts. Reviews always deserving of karmic brownie points 


	3. Chapter 3

Elizabeth stirred uncomfortably. Her head ached as if she'd been crying for hours. She sat up rolling her head, bewildered for a moment by the unfamiliar surroundings. Then memories of the day before washed over her with tsunami force. She dropped her head into her hands with shame, resting her elbows against her propped up knees. She _had_ cried for hours. Her head ricocheted to the bed around her, tangled curls tickling her face as she moved. She shoved the straying strands of hair behind her ears and stared at the achingly empty space around her. She had behaved so foolishly and predictably he had run.

She stood up growling in frustration and stretched her arms upward in a halfhearted attempt to relieve some of the kinks in her muscles. She could still feel the panic that had gripped her heart when she'd woken during the night, the alarm that rippled down her body when she remembered she'd succumbed to her heart. She'd lain as still as possible, pretending to be asleep.

It was hardly a good position for her muscles, nested against his chest and tucked under his shoulder. But she couldn't draw the strength to pull away when she inhaled and the smell of his skin dusted her nose. Just feeling the hair on his chest raze her cheeks was a constant reminder that he was alive, he was with her. She had felt the shattered pieces of her heart melding closer towards repair each time she felt his chest rise and his heart beating. It hadn't taken long for his hands to lull her back to contented sleep as they moved through her hair, rubbing soft slow circles along her neck.

As she continued to stretch, her crumpled clothing clung uncomfortably on her body distracting her from her efforts. She tugged off her pants and began sorting through her bag for something more comfortable to replace them with. She found a loose crinkled cotton skirt and as she rose, spotted John through the large windows that overlooked the lake.

He was standing near the shoreline, his attention focused out over the lake. His bare shoulders glistened delectably in the sun. Her breath caught as she admired him standing there, looking more gorgeous than the lake he stood before. She smiled noting his hair seemed excessively spunky that morning. With no camera to capture the image, she stared determinedly imprinting the scene upon her mind.

His BDU pants and boots seemed out of place somehow. It wasn't the missing shirt, it was just knowing John would be more comfortable in a pair of swim trunks now. She looked again at his shoulders moving steadily up and down. He'd obviously been uncomfortable hanging around waiting for her to wake up; he'd undoubtedly gone for a run.

Her spine prickled as her cheeks still burned from the crippling embarrassment she'd awoken with. A little Wraith feeding doesn't even slow him down but god forbid she dare to show some emotion and then he has to flee the scene of the crime, taking a run to clear his head and postpone their not quite morning after confessional. As often as she just got him by just looking in his eyes… She became aware of a sickening pit seeming to hollow deeper in her stomach and her anger suddenly surged. She would never totally get him, not the parts that mattered obviously. She'd been so foolish to allow him to see her so vulnerable, to see…

She barely noticed the skirt dropping from her hand. Before she could calm enough to form coherent thoughts, her footsteps were pounding as she hastily exited the cabin. How dare he? She seethed. How dare he come _here_ and be so….be so much more of a man she'd ever asked him to be. And now set the stage for the hasty exit. She was somewhat surprised he was still here at all. Probably thought the fragile sleeping beauty would be out for hours yet. If he'd really thought at all. If he cared, he would have never let her wake up alone.

She stormed up behind him, her bare feet not pounding anywhere near as loudly as she would have liked. He didn't appear to notice her approach at all. She marched right up to him and shoved his shoulders hard as she stopped behind him.

"What the-"John spun around, his eyes darting wildly before settling on his attacker.

Damn him, he couldn't even be decent enough to put his shirt back on. The wound from the feeding standing out in its glory, almost mocking her now. She shoved him again.

"Elizabeth?!" He gasped in surprise.

"You can go John, you shouldn't be here. I don't need this kind of pity. It may take some time, but I promise you I will be just fine." She seethed.

He bit down on his lip and cocked his head to the side ripping his eyes away from hers. But not before she'd seen the flicker of pain. His hands fell to his hips and see could see the muscles in his face pulse with tension.

She saw the darkness cross onto face, the darkness she knew was always just beneath his skin, even when skillfully disguised behind his charming smile. She felt her teeth grind together as she watched him sort through the conflict in his head. She would be the first to admit his charismatic charm had endeared him to her almost instantly.

But it was moments like these when his raw emotions cut through his carefully crafted facade that had made her love him. It was then she could see in his darkened face the ravages of all he carried with him. So many deaths on his hands from directives _she'd_ ordered, so many friends in his heart over deaths he had not prevented. There was so much John carried within him. These were the moments that caused her soul to cry out, when she longed to reach out and wrap her love around him, patching his wounds the broken pieces of her own heart.

Damn him, he didn't even know how he fractured her heart every time he looked this serious? He didn't know what he was doing to her now by turning away, turning away those delicious lips she'd finally admitted to herself she longed to kiss. That she _had_ kissed. Maybe she'dbeen unfair to unleash her insecurities upon him, but she deserved more than his silence now. Was she not even worthy enough of his fight? Were _they_ not worth fighting for? She couldn't stop herself from advancing forward and shoving against his chest yet again.

But this time he stood too close to the shoreline when she caught him off guard. She instinctively reached out to grab his arm as he went flailing backwards into the water. She succeeded only in tumbling in along with him. She gasped as her body ruptured the cool morning water. She looked up to see John's tense face surprisingly crumple in laughter at her shock. Still angry, she could only smack her arm against the water, sending water rushing into his face.

His laughter burst out now above the rippling water as he splashed around and out of her way. She deftly cut through the water towards him, emerging to push her hands down upon his shoulders attempting to push him under. His arms encircled her waist grasping her firmly. Her heart plummeted when she realized he was still able to reach the bottom of the lake floor. He held her up and spun her around in triumph. She saw the boyish delight dancing in his eyes and this time, it was her laughter that danced upon the morning air as wet strands of her hair whipped against his face.

"Damn you John Sheppard, I'm trying to be mad at you!" She managed through her laughter.

"Then by all means, stay angry. This is fun!" He teased her, pulling her body lower as if to dunk her.

"Don't you dare!" She scrambled through the water to tighten her grip on him. Her arms wrapped tightly around his neck and as her feet began lock around his waist she quickly saw her mistake.

His smile faltered and he gasped as her lower body pressed against him. Her own mouth fell open as she felt his body trapped within her hold. She felt the long sinewy muscles of his back as her hands moved down to brace herself. Her head was spinning, her nerves screaming in response, begging her to move closer, to pull him closer somehow. His head tucked into her neck grazing his lips along her collar bone. Her head rolled backward as he began slowly, tortuously moving his mouth along the line of her neck. Her breathing began to emerge in ragged gasps. She was tugging him up, pulling him towards her mouth when his lips finally claimed hers, demanding her unresisting response. His hands were in her wet hair, pulling against her head, pulling her so close she'd lost the ability to breathe. She didn't care. Until he almost brutally pulled away.

Her eyes fluttered in confusion only to be bombarded by the blinding light of the emerging sun. Her eyes finally adjusted and she focused on his face. He was not smiling now, his forehead furrowed as his eyes bored into hers with an intensity that left her breathless still.

"Dirty." His voice seemed mottled through the water slowly slipping from her ears.

She tried to focus but realized John had moved them back to the shoreline and her back was nestled into the land with his body atop hers, pressing into hers. Still not close enough she thought pulling him closer with the one leg she still had twisted around him.

"This isn't quite what I'd imagine you classifying as dirty." She almost didn't recognize her own voice now, it had emerged deep and raspy like she was several days into a cold. She used her leg to tug him a bit tighter, emitting a low moan when was she was rewarded by the additional pressure of his body against hers.

He bit his lip so hard she feared he'd begin bleeding; his pupils seemed to dilate even further into darkness. He pulled his hand up through her hair again. "Mud. You're getting dirty." He managed.

She stretched high to press her lips against his again. She could care less about a little mud. She felt him pull her back into the waters depths, the water enveloping her now like a warm blanket. She felt she could feel every individual molecule of liquid pushing deliciously against her limbs as John moved them farther from the shore. His hands gently brushed through her hair, loosening the mud from her curls. As his hands began to rub down her back, cleansing the mud away from her shirt, she allowed her mouth to drift down his check and across his jawline. She was starting to move down his neck when she was roused to attention by a noise from the shore.

John swiveled them around in the water and they spotted one of the townsmen on the bank looking more than a little uncomfortable. "Chaya sent some supplies. I'll….I'll just leave these in the cabin." He said as he fled in that direction.

Elizabeth started to move out of the water when John pulled her back, his eyes still dark with something she was unfamiliar with. He shook his head back and forth and as she relaxed back into the water she understood his warning. Her white t-shirt when wet was quite transparent. And she had neglected to replace the pants she'd shed in discomfort when her anger sent her racing towards him. Her anger…

She'd all but forgotten. She pressed her forehead against John's. "I'm meant to be angry with you." She whispered.

"Maybe you'd like to explain why?" She could feel his eyebrow arching against her face.

"My behavior yesterday, I was acting so foolishly. I had _kissed_ you. And you weren't there when I woke. What would you had thought?" She said.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe that I didn't get any sleep because I was sleeping in the same bed as you, facing desires I wasn't sure you'd indulge in come mornings light. I'd have guessed that a run was needed to divert some of those energies."

"Oh…" Elizabeth breathed, relief washing over her."Oh." She inhaled deeply as John's lips pressed against her own.

"Yeah." John nodded back to the shore.

"So, I'll just be going then." The townsmen said, not even venturing to look their way.

John smirked at Elizabeth and she couldn't help but laugh.

They began to wade somewhat clumsily back through the shallow waters towards the shore.

"John?" She asked, realizing there were things that still had to be said. Everything actually. Her eyes locked on his imploring him to understand her question, to understand why she still couldn't form the words to ask.

"I think we've talked enough for the morning Elizabeth." He said throwing her words from the day prior back at her. "Why don't we see if he brought anything good for breakfast?"

She arched her eyebrow before taking a deep breath, rising from the water well aware her scanty attire was quite transparent.

"Oh..." John sucked in his breath.

Elizabeth's smile stung her cheeks as she sauntered off ahead of him.

A/N: I can see another chapter ahead of me, but alas the story in my mind is turning most fluffy. Let me know if you'd like to see more, but don't say I didn't warn you! Thanks for all the reviews and story alerts. They always make my day! I have all the ingredients to bake those brownies…………….


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